Ted-ology: Be Curious
If I can be so bold, I might consider the dart scene to be one of the best in a sitcom from this century. (S.1 E.8 ‘The Diamond Dogs’ - If you need a refresher it can be viewed at the bottom of this post) This mini story arc is powerful and is the focus of my thoughts today, specifically this section of Ted’s monologue…
You know Rupert, guys have underestimated my entire life. And for years I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day I was driving my little boy to school and I saw this quote from Walt Whitman painted on the wall there that said "Be curious. Not Judgmental." I like that.
So I get back in my car and I'm driving to work and all of sudden it hits me. All them fellas who used to belittle me, not a single one of them was curious. You know, they thought they had everything figured out. So they judged everything. And they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me, who I was had nothing to do with it. Because if they were curious, they would have asked questions.
I think we’ve all been Ted at some point in our lives. We’ve been misunderstood, discounted, or overlooked for reasons outside of our control. Folks in our lives both intentionally and unintentionally do this all the time but here’s the dirty secret…
So do we.
And if we are real honest, we are more Rupert each day than we are Ted. At least I am. I justify it because it’s easier. It demands less of me, and often is more efficient. It’s privilege. It’s power. Though in the short term I may benefit form this, ultimately it hurts me because there is no place for me to grow as I believe I have already arrived.
That’s the cost of a lack curiosity and I believe it’s also one of the reasons why we struggle collectively. For every Ted Lasso in the world today, there are 99 Ruperts.
Just because this may be our current reality, it doesn’t mean it is where we must remain. There are things we can do to grow in our curiosity and wonder.
A few years back, I had got to take part in an incredible 7 month long series put on by West Michigan Center for Arts and Technology called ‘WMCAT 20/20: Exploring Conflicting Visions for the Future’. As you can imagine by it’s title, this series was meant to bring folks together from different backgrounds and perspectives to challenge us to explore what the future might look like for our community to prosper. It was there that we were challenged to keep 6 points in the front of our mind as we engaged each other that I believe can help propel us out of our Rupert-ness and towards a Lasso-ness of wonder:
Listen for understanding and lean into curiosity
Notice and listen to your mind, emotions, body, and spirit
Curiously investigate discomfort
Be vulnerable with each other
Pay attention to power dynamics
Be generous with your assumptions and ask lots of questions
I’m not naïve enough to believe these 6 things alone will transform us but they are are start. It’s why they have been posted on my desk ever since I wrote them down as they point me towards the type of person I aspire to be. Maybe it can be for you.
So in closing, in a world full of Ruperts, be a Ted.
For further reflection: