Ted-ology: Barbeque Sauce
Like many in my youth, I gravitated towards quotes, lyrics and art as I could sense their profundity - often posting them as away messages and status updates. I couldn’t admit it then but it’s only with years of life under my belt that did I really grasp what so many artist were saying. It’s not those things didn’t mean some thing to me in that moment, it’s just now in contrast there is a depth that could only come with time.
One of those pieces of art was the film, Garden State. Of the few quotes that have rattled around in the back of my head over the years, this once remains one of the most prominent by the protagonist Andrew Largemen when he says:
“You'll see one day when you move out. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself…”
Whether the home life of our youth is one we want to remember or not, there is something within us that seeks to know and experience that feeling of ‘home’ once again. Home as the feeling of safety, of known-ness, of security and love. Many of us lose that at some point in our lives - a relationship or the physical space - but we never really lose the longing for it.
Ted knows that longing as well and as he opens a care package sent by his son he askes Rebecca, his boss…
“Do you got some kind of food or something that teleports right back home makes feel all warm and fuzzy?”
For him, one of those things was a barbeque sauce from home that was the answer to that question. This condiment from overseas had the ability to teleport him back, connecting him with those he loved deeply, and the home that he had created with them. It centered him and reminded him that in spite of the chaos and pressures around him that things were good. Or as Ted would say right after tasting it ‘OHHH YES!’
This idea of home comes to a head episodes later in the now infamous dart scene (more on that scene tomorrow) where just before throwing the last dart, he says aloud, but more importantly to himself, ‘Barbeque sauce.’ And as if those two words carried within it some magical power, Ted’s throw is calm and certain as he knew a place of peace.
As it can be for us when we find our ‘home’.
While there might be truth from Andrew Largeman that we need to ‘create our new idea of home’, what if it was less us creating this on our own and instead rediscovering that it is already around us? We might do this by taking moments to open our senses and awareness to the barbeque sauce - those things, those people, those places - that is in our midst that already are providing solace and comfort - the warm and fuzzy - providing the home that so desperately long for, if we would only open ourselves to it.
What if we paused for a moment today to see what we might find?
May you find home and discover it was always with you.
For further reflection:God Was in This Place & I, I Did Not Know by Lawrence KushnerGarden State the movie - current streaming on HBO MAX