Steeple Envy
A professor of mine said recently that to be a pastor requires a person to be slightly higher on the narcissistic scale, for it takes a certain amount of confidence to want to speak as an authority in front of people. The class laughed.
But there is a very dangerous truth that was being hinted at with my professor's words:
The pulpit has a certain draw to individuals.
There is a sexiness to it. Maybe it's the implied humility of the call to ministry. Maybe it's the belief that ones words aren't their own in that moment. Whatever it is, I'll be bold here and say that this draw lay within all pastors. And for a pastor to acknowledge this isn't actually a bad thing - rather it can be a freeing realization.
The problem lay when it isn't acknowledged, when it is left to steep within an individual. Those that choose this second option have found ways to release this: from those little passive aggressive comments made towards another to starting a blog to defend their orthodoxy to even creating structures where their authority isn't questioned.
The pulpit can and does quickly become a place of envy.
For the pastor can't help but compare their communication styles. The young look to the veterans for insight and guidance - emulating their body language, speech cadence, and/or their approach/outline - both consciously and subconsciously. As one becomes more established, this envy can easily flip to jealousy of ones peers - comparing the size of their congregations, to even how much external influence another might have. Then often in moments of unhealth an attack is then on towards the individual who has what the other desires or towards those who might threaten and challenge the status quo.Suddenly they become the people Marilyn Manson speaks of in believing that...
It's all relative to the size of your steeple
This steeple envy*, the envy of another's influence and success.
This is a very real thing. Look to any of the influential people in Christian circles and then look at the pushback, comments, and ridicule they receive for everything they do. If their message isn't Gospel centered enough, they're alienated. If their books actually sell, they're ostracized. If they leave ministry, feeling drawn to whatever is next and find success they are branded with an even worse label.
Pastors are envious people, and if this is at work within them - we should not be surprised that those they minister to reflect this reality.
So what can be done? How can we engage this and counteract it? Here are a few thoughts and challenges for my fellow pastors and those who feel drawn to pastor:
Let's be honest about our motives. It's ok to admit your struggle, some who hear it will understand while others will try to downplay it - especially because you were and are called to ministry. Embracing humility is often humiliating - don't be afraid of admitting who you actually are. Even when that's not what is acceptable, change can only occur if we are transparent with ourselves.
Let's invite people to call us out and keep us in check. We have embraced the false narrative that a perfect leader is not only possible but required. We are going to fail. A lot. If we try to conceal our character flaws and insecurities the downfall is not simply if but when [and here's the dirty little secret, your community already knows most of your flaws, you just don't want to hear them]. If all you are hearing are positives, this should be a warning sign that you've surrounded yourself with 'yes' people. So ask people into your life, to say the hard things, to not allow you to be off the hook for your language, actions, or posture. Get a counselor, you might not think there is anything wrong with you but some times it's better to pay someone to listen because our relationships and communities have certain thresholds for processing things.
Let's remember that the sermon isn't a sacrament. This is not to say it's not important, but when a service goes for a total of around an hour and you speak for 30-40 minutes of it... some thing is wrong. Your thoughts are not that important and you probably could have said it better in 10-15 minutes.
Let's focus on fruits. As pastors we talk a lot of bearing good fruit but rarely do we truly invite ourselves and others in to living lives embodying them. These are qualities that are to define us and our interaction: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Maybe this is why the world struggles with followers of Christ because more often than not we divide or turn on each other if we disagree rather than embrace these 9 simple postures.
This isn't a new problem. We've been comparing ourselves to each other from the beginning - but may we remember Paul's simple words to us when our steeple envy flares up:
Let no one boast about human leaders. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all belong to you, and you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God.
May we remember we are all together in this.
A confession: I wrote this not as one who claims to be free of this allure but rather as one who finds themselves in the midst of continually challenging myself to be honest about my motives and to invite others to hold me accountable.
* The idea of 'steeple envy' was first introduced to me as such at the 'Isn't She Beautiful' conference by Don Golden, 2007