Review: The Zimzum of Love by Rob and Kristen Bell

A Review of a Book on Marriage by a Single Guy

The first question you might be asking is: Why? Why would I, a single 33 year old male, read and then review a book on marriage?

Well I'm glad you asked.

First, as many know I was part of the Mars Hill community directly for 6+ years - Rob is an individual I greatly respect and can not deny his influence in my life, because of this I have tried to read most of his work.

Secondly, I was asked recently by a couple of friends if I had any thoughts on this book.

Thirdly, because marriage is a relationship. Yes of course, but a very unique one, and thus how one approaches and thinks about it influences relationships outside of that sphere; and vice versa.

With all that said, to the book - The Zimzum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage.

The writing:

If you like Rob's writing style, you'll find it follows in his typical formatting and conversational feel. I personally have struggled with books by two or more authors because I often never feel like I know exactly who is writing - this book navigates this well with simple cues mid-chapter/paragraphs with 'discussions' between Kristen and Rob. Beyond the dialogue there is almost a feeling that it is a unified and shared voice - which affirms the 'zimzum' the whole book is framed around.

The content:

Within Christian circles there are really only two streams of thought when it comes to marriage: Egalitarian or Complementarian. Of course, there are 'extreme' positions held within each but this book would simply find itself more in the egalitarian side of the argument. With that said, these terms are never mentioned directly and the book could actually find a place in each perspective well.

The notion of zimzum, as described by Rob, is that it comes from 'a Hebrew word used in the rabbinic tradition to talk about the creation of the world.[...] The divine, they believed, was all that was. For something to exist other than God, then, God had to create space that wasn't God. God had to contract or withdraw from a certain space so that some thing else, some thing other than God, could exist and thrive in that space' (18). This model of 'creating space for them to thrive while they're doing the same' (19) is what the rest of the book works to unpack.

I have often said in discussions about Rob that he would never want his listener, audience, or parishioners to believe that his words were the final say on a matter. Instead, Rob has a gift that invites those he engages to keep asking more questions, to take steps forward, and to make the 'framework' their own. This continues in Zimzum of Love's chapters that brilliantly show how this approach to marriage/relationships is responsive, dynamic, exclusive, and sacred.

The Single Guy Takeaway:

Marriages are a delightfully beautiful mess, reflective of both the individuals involved. We all know this. The power an individual has to inflict both immense joy and pain when another begins to see us for who we are is a tricky thing. This is a reality of all relationships and not exclusive to marriages. We know this because it is the very reason why some thing like sarcasm or jokes can hurt, because it is exposing us in an unexpected manner.

Sure there are parts of the book that clearly were much more directly applicable to those who are married, I'm looking at you Chapter 4: Exclusive and Chapter 5: Sacred. But there were gems for all of us - singles and couples - to lean into throughout. Good news that all the world needs to hear and be challenged to embody in our relationships. Case in point, what would it look like if we approached another person in the following manner and posture, saying in word and deed:

I am for you.

I've got your back.

I am committed to your best.

Help me understand things from your perspective.

What can we do together to change things?

When one person moves toward the other, the other is freed to respond in love. Something powerful happens when you remind each other that you are for each other. (35-36)

I'd have to imagine the world we live in would be drastically different. So maybe we all need a little more zimzum in our lives.

Recommended for:

Couples of all ages, those attempting to 'figure out' dating/relationships/the opposite sex, and singles (yeah, that means just about everyone). It's not a hard read - I read it in a few hours

My GoodReads Rating: 3/5

Check out a few noteworthy quotes from the book, here.