Parenthood, Story, and The Lives We Lead

I'll admit it from the beginning, I was late to the Parenthood bandwagon not only once - but twice. I was introduced to the series around 3 years ago and immediately was hooked, diving into the first few seasons.

Breathe easy: For those who aren't familiar with the show or just making their way through, no spoilers to follow. 

The show revolves around 3 generations of one family, the Braverman's. In many ways it's what you'd expect from a well written and acted drama, it draws you in and connects to you. Connect might actually be an understatement. This show has the capacity to wreck you, for it taps into the experience many (not all) have experienced in their own families and lives. And wreck me it did, so much so that after three and a half seasons I abruptly stopped watching - it was just too much.

I could not handle the parts of my own story it was paralleling.

So I took a few years off of it. I knew I was missing out and with the prompting of some friends I dove back in just as the series was completing a few weeks ago.  And the show touched me again, in new ways.  The show seemed to invite me into my own story, to not only name the present family and life dynamics but also ask questions of how I desired these relationships to evolve and be shaped in the future.In these past few weeks, many conversations have been had revolving around the show. The brilliance and power of the show's story was summarized in a conversation I had with Megan Emigh when she said:

That's how the writers were successful - creating characters and relationships that are tangible enough for us to relate to, but unique enough for us to aspire to be.

The idea of story as a way of understanding our lives has become a very popular metaphor in the last few years especially.  From the embrace of owning your own story to then even roller-coaster designers calling themselves storytellers, this understanding has found footing in many unconventional outlets. Megan's insight got the wheels turning in my head that maybe this longing for our lives to be a good story, we've confused whose story it is that is being told.

There is some thing about the characters and relationships that make a story worthwhile.

This is what I would argue makes the characters of Parenthood 'tangible enough to relate to'. They weren't superstars, they weren't perfect. They struggled. They doubted. They questioned. They fought. It was such a beautiful mess. They weren't squeaky clean pastors types who probably floss everyday and never pass gas. With all their faults, these characters were also 'unique enough to aspire to be'. Though they were all part of the same tribe - there was a beautiful diversity of talent and skill, hopes and dreams, successes and failures. There was no cookie cutter mold they were coming from or expected to be - yes, there were common traits but each person could only thrive once they embraced who they were, not who they thought they should be.  Seeing each character come into their own invited us to do the same.

If we must embrace this metaphor of story, maybe we need to remember again that we are simply the characters, not the author or even the narrator of the story.  The individuals and groups in our lives that are the most provocative, the most compelling are often the ones that have mastered this.  It is almost as if once they realized that the story is not theirs to write, they were able to focus more on the character (or better, the people) they were and are becoming.  These people then just naturally inspire us, the community, and the world in astonishing ways for they aren't perfect but they are perfectly themselves.

We are invited into this together - as real and tangible, uniquely ourselves and no one else - and by doing so we will see the full story unfold in beautiful and fresh ways.

That my friends is what I call good news and I'm thankful that a tv show reminded me of it.